Seeing Eriko after these four months of almost no communication has so far been what I feared – she is distant and I am distressed. I am torn by my desire for affection and my desire not to rush her into that affection. Last night, I couldn’t sleep and I finally woke her up and asked to kiss her – but it didn’t really make me feel much better. Who wants to ask for a kiss rather than be offerred? So I struggle. Dad told me that we would fall in and out of love. I had become accustomed to failing out of love when we weren’t around each other, but had not anticipated it during a visit. I suppose it was just a matter of time, really. What is sad is that Eriko has been making entries into her diary often, which I have never seen her do, and I feel shut out. I’m jealous of someone she is emailing quite frequently, Akie. Not really sure if it is a girl or a guy, but I’m jealous anyway. Why shouldn’t I be? She has spent more time in conversation with her journal and email then me, I think.

i elected to keep Bailey confined in the condo for two weeks instead of risking her security and the security of the building.

it is strange knowing that you will change but not knowing how or when. even the why isn’t quite clear yet.

I was awakened last night by some strange moaning noise. I left my bed and as I exited the bedroom and rounded the corner, I saw at least two animal shapes on the floor. They immediately scrambled to exit it as quickly as possible, claws scratching at the floor. It was quite awakening. To the best of my knowledge, it was Bailey and an orange cat – at least I observed the two of them sitting on the lawn after the incident. They didn’t appear to be at odds with each other but I wasn’t close enough to hear their conversation. I spent the next hour up making a makeshift curtain out of cloth to cover the open window. I’m not sure whether that will prevent any further intrusions, however. My biggest concern is that Bailey will get assaulted in her home while I am gone (like in Tacoma).

after three or four nights in a row of tortuous problem-solving dreams (where i invent and attempt to “solve” a fictitious problem) i slept much better last night. the pressure of my CS class is off and i didn’t drink any alchohol after 8 PM (otherwise, i tend to be very dehydrated). i still had water too late as i was woken up by a compelling need to take a short walk. i left the window open all night and Bailey came and went without disturbing me. who knows, maybe next year i can start sleeping through the night…