I didn’t get nearly as much accomplished at work as I would have liked; I simply lacked motivation and concentration. sigh This project has me bogged down in minutia. But tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life! ;P

What a chore! Is it my age? My upbringing? My environment? Circumstance? For wwhatever reason, I feel impatient these days and I seem more likely to make mistakes. Have I always been impatient? Probably so. As my buddy Susie says, I’m just lazy and spoiled. Is this part of my nature, or do I have the capacity to change it? For instance, I want email from Eriko! Alas, several days have passed. I don’t get impatient if it takes my sister months to email me so why do I expect something different from Eriko? Silly me and my expectations – simply causing trouble!

My dad told me that it is normal to have doubts; I would take it one step farther and say that it is good to have doubts – without them I don’t get any participation from my head. All too often I lead with my heart, but as my dad also told me, the feeling of love comes and goes – without my head I have no backup for my heart. So doubt away… what doesn’t kill this thing with Eriko will make it stronger. ;P Oh yeah, today will be spent working.. laaammmmeee. =)

I will write. I am wondering about Eriko; but more in particular, I am wondering about me. Sometimes I wonder if I just have a Japanese fetish – surely I have this image in my mind, built up through years of curiosity and mystique. What would possess me to ask a woman to marry me when we hardly know each other? Because I am in love with an image and a picture it was very easy to slide that mold around her. But I don’t know who she is, I don’t know what she is capable of. She knows nothing of me either. Yet she accepted my offer as willingly as I offered it; is she in love with an image for me too? Are we simply dolls in each oother’s minds? I’m grateful for these thoughts and feelings, even if they are distracting – I will know myself, come hell or high-water.

My room re-org is not complete, but I took apart my desk and fit all three of my monitors! Of course, only one is actually working at the moment but I see the future… and it is bright! ;P My last note from Eriko was that she was going to the agency to buy a plane ticket… that was several hours ago… talk about suspense! Time for some leisurly reading and the sack, while listening to the Commodores.

I had my final tonight. I did the best that I could, and now I will await my final grade. That is a big relief, it was a challenging class and combined with Isilon it was more work then I originally expected. In retrospect, however, I realize several ways in which I could have made the load easier on myself and I think I would have done a better job on both fronts… next time – and yes, there will be a next time.. Eriko has talked of reserving/purchasing a ticket to Alaska lately… but every since that discussion she has been rather aloof; however, I don’t feel bothered for some reason – I’ve made it clear what I want and that is all I can do; if and when she steps up to the plate will be completely decided by her.