I told Eriko that Sara had made contact with me, but she didn’t care. Then I told her that Susie was visiting and I didn’t care for some of her friends. Her reaction to this was to tell me that she didn’t care for some of my friends. I found the transition strange and thought maybe she was defending Susie. After speaking with Dave, however, he believes that Eriko is threatened by Susie. This would make the transition smoother… Although I definitely have considered it, I don’t think that Susie is a threat to Eriko. There are many things about Susie that make her a great friend but so many of those things make her (to me) very unattractive for a mate. Anyway, I am supposed to be withdrawaling, not thinking about how to assuage Eriko’s fears. Besides, work is calling.

duh – i realized that Eriko is testing me: my limits, my patience, my reactions. hah! no study is necessary for this test because i can only do my best. ;P i am testing her too, although my emotions easily cloud my viewpoint making it difficult for me to see what the questions are…. ;P

one other thought… i now believe that when Sara told me she wanted to date other people, she may have been trying to to get me to chase her… however, i saw it as my chance to exit, since i had no desire to chase her further…. as i withdrawal from Eriko, if she is indeed the woman for me, then she will feel the desire to chase.only time will tell on such things as this. the neat thing about life, from my point of view, is that it becomes more of what i wish it to be as time passess… hence, live gets better with age – like wine.

i have to withdrawal – because than she can chase me. the winds of change are blowing and there is a sweeet smell. wait – that could be dinner..

i have to admit that i get frustrated by the amount of communication between me and Eriko. it doesn’t feel natural. i feel like i hold back and i don’t really care for that. additionally, Eriko told me that she wanted to chase me, but i don’t see it happening. i have the urge to withdrawal but i don’t know what that means or where it will lead. i’m not happy with myself and it became very obvious last night. as i clean up, change, and improve – will Eriko be a casualty, as i was to Sara? i don’t know. the ironic thing is that i used to fantasize that Eriko and i would lose touch and then be reunited. i’m sure a lot of that comes from my parent’s story, but it is interesting. i suppose the distance between us serves as a constant separator/reunitor. fascinating.

My math score went down – from 740 to 720.